Episode 99 - Living on Your Own Terms with Helen Jackson

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to Conversations that Matter with your host, amber Howard. Each week, amber dances, in conversation with inspirational leaders, out to make a difference for what matters most to people. She brings you incredible guests who share their real life experience of being a leader and what it looks like to live a truly created life of service to others. And now here's your host.

Speaker 2: 0:25

Welcome back everyone. Welcome back to Conversations that Matter the podcast with Amber Howard. It's great to have you back with us today. I am pleased, pleasure, delighted, happy, joyful to be speaking with the extraordinary Helen Jackson and typically if you listen to the show, you know that I normally go into this really great introduction of all of the things that the person's done and their titles and they're an author and they're this and they're there and that, and you know we're going to get into this conversation, you know, momentarily.

Speaker 2: 1:00

But one of the great things about Helen is in her journey as an expat, living a created life, she's let go of a lot of those kind of like trappings that many of us get caught up in like in order to be successful and happy, and I really am excited to talk with Helen about that.

Speaker 2: 1:18

We met in this incredible, incredible community called the wisdom community and one of the things, beautiful things that I discovered about being with Helen in that community is, you know, those things that we typically think of as being credible or making us credible, they just don't really matter there.

Speaker 2: 1:33

We don't spend a lot of time talking about what people do for a living or how they make money or you know it's more about inquiring into aspects of what it is to be a human being and live a life, and how we can practice what I'm calling the art of living on my own journey. And so I actually don't know anything about what Helen's done for a living, what her career look like, what her journey looks like, and I know from watching and observing you know her being in Panama, her being in Montreal, her being in England, her being in India, like all of these journeys that she's gone on, that she is one of the most credible people to talk to when it comes to living a life by design and living a life based on what you truly, authentically desire and want. So, helen, thank you so much for being on the show. I know you're joining us from Panama right now and, just like just, thank you so much for gifting us your time and your experience.

Speaker 3: 2:35

An absolute pleasure and, wow, I hope I can live up to that introduction of me. I love it, I love it. And the piece that I want to pull out of what you said is that it actually doesn't matter what I've done in the past. What I'm really present to is that everything that every experience I've ever had has been necessary to bring me to this point in my life. You know, it doesn't matter what I did. You know there were ups, there were downs, there were, you know, all that stuff. I'm just here now and I have all those gifts in my background.

Speaker 2: 3:21

I think we get so caught up in, in kind of defining ourselves based on who we, you know, like based on what we've done, what we've accomplished, and that like creates this object, that we become right, and I love what you said. They, all of the experiences that we had, were necessary to get to today. But they don't, you know, they don't put us in a box, they don't define who we are. They don't define what we're capable of or what we could achieve in the future. They're just, you know, steps that we took on our journey to get to this moment. So it's really beautiful. So tell me a little bit about the journey, right, like you were born in England, that much I know At one point in time maybe I was born in England, and you know, and then you know.

Speaker 2: 4:06

So tell me a little bit about the journey that you've gone on to become someone who is able to be that present in life, because everyone talks about you know that it is something to aspire to, but you really are for me, someone, helen, who lives it and embodies. You know that in your everyday life. So what's that journey been like?

Speaker 3: 4:29

Well, it's been. It's been a very interesting journey and I feel like I've gone through everything that everybody goes through. You know, like, do I belong here? How do I fit in? And I got a beautiful piece about about that recently. It's like, oh, when I'm having those questions, do I belong here? I don't, and it's like, if I don't belong here, where do I belong?

Speaker 3: 4:56

And this has been one of the one of the you know things about my life. I was born without a father. I didn't belong to my father, but I did belong to my mother. So I'm like okay, I belong with women. So I've had a very interesting relationship with men throughout my whole life. And again, there's this whole conformity. I felt like I had to conform, I had to do what I was told, but luckily, my rebel is far cleverer than that. You know she's the one that's always had my back come out fighting and you know the way that my rebel shows up now is more like a warrior, like I'm a warrior and what am I a warrior of? Who knows what am I a warrior for? Who knows? I just know that I'm a warrior and that journey has been like travel and I look back at my life and I go. So which bits have really have I really loved? And it's the exploration. If there's one wish that I would have for humanity, it would be that we could really embrace exploration newly, minute by minute, like even if I live in the same house that I've lived for over 60 years and I still, each day, when I come to my house, I look and I go. So what's new today, then? And my relationship, my husband. I was with him for 24 years and I would look at him going. I wonder who you are. That I haven't discovered yet.

Speaker 3: 6:44

And now I'm just doing it, bouncing from country to country. You know I've let go of pretty much everything taken care of. You know my home. I still have a home in London. My son has so beautifully stood up and taken care of it, so I have one room. Him and his family have got the rest of the house. It's incredible, it's a win-win situation. So I have a place to return to. I have, you know, a limited income. So my discovery, my exploration, is how can I live a completely free life in paradise? I'm currently on a boat in the Bay of Panama. You know, I pinch myself and I go. How did I ever get here, yeah, hello.

Speaker 2: 7:41

I think you got there through some of the lessons that you've learned in the development that you've done, and one of those things I know that's really important for you is like this letting go of I can't or like letting go of the limiting beliefs. Right, and I think part of it. When you talk about that, what I hear for myself and this is really what I'm in the discovery of right now is like letting go of the way we think it should look. What if there was no way things life should look, or there's no way to? You know, we get so caught up in all of these external or other people's notions of what something's supposed to look like.

Speaker 2: 8:17

Or I had this conversation with my mom yesterday. She's turning 70 in January and her knees been bothering her and she's like well, you know, I've put on a little bit of weight and that's impacting my knee and I might love you if you don't want me sharing this on my podcast. I'm sorry, but the point of the conversation was like I said okay, got it, I get there. In the world there's this like conversation about weight and our bodies and there's lots of conversations about aging and all of that. Right, I said but how do you?

Speaker 2: 8:49

What if you focused on how you wanted your knee to feel? Like, how do you want your knee to feel, you know? Do you want it to feel like easy, like movement is easy, you know your movement is pain free, like, instead of focusing on what you, what it is, that you've been told and what you think you know about how your body works, what if your knee could feel great and you've put on weight right? And not purporting to be an expert in the world of, like, physical wellbeing or anything like that, but I think you know, I do know that when we focus on what we don't want, we just get more of that right, and so I think a big part of the journey that I love is like well, how can I live on a limited income and hang out in the Bay of Panama? Like, what would that look like? How would I accomplish that?

Speaker 3: 9:41

I love what you're saying about the knee and I stand in that. There's no coincidences. I'm hearing knees my friends just had a knee replacement and hearing her journey I'm like I don't want that in my life. So what action do I need to take now to avoid that happening? And it's it's, you know, the double negative thing, because we're trained oh, don't talk about what we don't want. Yes, let's look at what we don't want, because that gives us access to what we do want. I want this body to last me for the rest of my life. So how am I going to do that? You know what? I'm going to come and live on a boat, and the universe gave this to me.

Speaker 3: 10:29

I didn't plan it, I just said yes. Literally, this guy turned up. I was on a beautiful beach in Columbia. This guy turned up and sat down beside me and I said where did you come from? He said see that boat over there. I'm about to sail it back to Australia. And I said can I come? Literally, I'm like no idea where those words came from. And he said, sure, and it was just that, in the moment, saying yes, it seemed like a really good idea.

Speaker 3: 11:05

Now, did we get to Australia no, we didn't, but that's a different story. And the letting go of the expectations oh no, I'm really disappointed. We didn't make it to Australia. None of that was there. Well, it was. It was like oh, we've had a breakdown, the boat is broken down. Oh, that's curious. We need to return to Panama City. Really curious that that would happen.

Speaker 3: 11:35

And then, a few days after we came back, the skipper of the boat had a health concern that if it had happened in the middle of the ocean, would have had a very different ending, could have had a very different ending. And it's that ability to be with things the way that they are and to just say yes when those opportunities arise. They're like, you know the opportunity embers, like who wants to be on my podcast Act first, think later, plan later, whatever you know. Just say yes to those things, that the opportunities that arise. Just you want to say yes and you say I'll say yes and I've got no idea how it's going to happen, but I'm all in and have that defined my life instead of what people think I should do.

Speaker 2: 12:35

I would have here and what you're saying is like being all in on your own life, like how many people like that? You look at it, the world, how many people are like all in on their their own life, right, like it's like you know and it's not. I used to think many, many years ago. It's like, oh, we're all on this, like journey of you know life and different stages, and then I got no, it's not like that, it's not like I'm at this point in this like linear path and like Helen's ahead of me or behind me. It's like there's like every human being has their own journey in life and there are whatever places are on it.

Speaker 2: 13:12

But I think, for a lot of people and I hear this all the time when I interview, you know, when I have like get related with my students, when I meet people in Bali, you know, I met this beautiful young woman from India who said I became an accountant because, you know, I became a lawyer because I didn't want to become an accountant, because, as you know my family, there were five good jobs you could have and I didn't want to be an accountant.

Speaker 2: 13:35

So I became a lawyer, like so many people you know, and I had this great conversation with one of my students this week and he said you know, like I'm 24 years old and, you know, want to be there for my parents and you know I'm the only child, and but, like, what guidance or advice could you give me about, like, creating my own? You know, like, there's all of that responsibility and all of that expectation that's outside, but, at the same time, here he is saying well, I want to honor that, but I also want to honor myself, right? And so I just think you've discovered something, helen, that so many people want, but they don't know how to access it, how to get there, and so, like, what could you say to someone who you know, who's starting out their life and doesn't want to end up being in a midlife crisis at 50, blowing up their life because they realize that, all of a sudden, they've lived someone else's life right?

Speaker 3: 14:41

And I've got my mum's voice in my head here. She said there's only one way to eat an elephant. Do you know what? That way is? One bite at a time. Same as there's only one way to climb any mountain is one step at a time, and often it's that taking the first step, the saying yes, Like how would life be? This is something that I've considered for a while. How would life be if my only job today was to be happy and that's such a great starting place Like, oh, if I start from being happy, my relationship with whatever goes on out there is different. You know, can I be happy that there's currently strikes in Panama and I can't leave the city? Yes, Thank you. You're just telling me I'm here for a little longer. Thank you for being so clear in your message. You know, instead of getting into the arguments that we get into with reality, oh no, that means I can't do what I wanted. Forget all that the letting go of the shoulds, letting go of everything apart from what's happening right now.

Speaker 2: 16:14

What if it was like about being apart? You know, like we talk about living life, like I mean, like it's outside of us and I don't really think it is. But what if it was like, you know, being in partnership with life? It's like you're you're going through your journey and a strike comes up or some other event comes up and it's not what you wanted. And I think this is like you know we talk about, like just aligning with what's happening right now and that ability to accept what is in a moment right, and but I think for me, a big part of where I've gotten to on my journey and is like, if I keep turning up to my own beliefs, right, like I say, I believe that everything is unfolding for my greatest good. And you know, then there are things that happen in life that aren't necessarily I don't, I don't see in that moment how that's aligned with my greatest good. It may not be something I want.

Speaker 2: 17:11

You know what had me come back to Canada? You know, six weeks early, the death of my dear friend. Those are not things that I wanted. But you know, like you said, with the boat breaking down and going back and the skipper having the health concern and like in that initial moment when the boat breaks down, whatever your reaction is to that event, like if you can just stand in, okay, I don't, I can't see it right now, I can't see how this is for my greatest good or for the greatest good of the people around me, but I'm going to trust that. I'm going to trust it.

Speaker 2: 17:47

In time in time. You know, this is like my favorite, one of my favorite quotes from a philosopher, soren Kierkegaard. You know, life can only be understood looking in the rearview mirror, but it has to be lived moving forward. Right, this is your act. Now plan later. Right, like in the hindsight, I can see the breadcrumbs, I can see how all of the events in my life have led you know and have brought me to a place. But I couldn't necessarily, there's no way I could have planned it that way.

Speaker 3: 18:17

I could have planned my life Right. Yes, yes, yes, exactly, exactly that. You know, like John Lennon says, life is what happens while we're busy making other plans. Like, let me jump on that thread, let me jump on. Life is a lesson that's being unfolded. You know, my plan is no plan. It really is, and it's taken something to get here to let go of all the plans. I forgot the other piece that you just said. I'm like, yes, yes, let me go down that one, but my mind's just like all over the place with excitement of what, what we're creating here.

Speaker 2: 18:59

It's the beauty of dancing in conversation. It's like you know dancing and sometimes like there's your step and you go one way, and this is why I love these conversations. So one of the things that you talk about is living an unimaginable life and I thought that word was really interesting, helen, because I've never, you know. I think so what is living an unimaginable life to you?

Speaker 3: 19:23

I've just remembered what it the thread that I wanted to pick back up, but it's fine because it links perfectly into an unimaginable life. And the word that you spoke was trust, and one of the one of the things that I've learned. So I started off by just choosing one word every day, like how would today be if I trusted and what would show up would be everywhere that I don't trust, everywhere, you know. Oh, I trusted that we were going to go to Australia and now we're not in that moment. And then the more that I explored the word trust, the more that I realized the universe really does have my back. I've just got a trust. You know the 12 step. The brotherhood has this thing. If you're brought to it, you'll be brought through it. And so these little things that like really, but it doesn't feel comfortable. No, sometimes life doesn't feel comfortable and sometimes I just all I can do is survive. That's all I can do. You know, if this boat is in a storm, all I can do is lie in my bed and pray for the storm to be over. You know that's just how life is. And then, when we come out after the storm, whatever it is, you said your friend died. There's a storm right there. You know, my daughter died. There was a storm right there and now, now, when I trust that I'm going to come through this, it's all fine. This is one of the lessons. You know, some people believe in soul contracts. Maybe I signed up for this before I came down to earth this time. But however, however, we believe and I've now learned whatever there was to learn from my child taking her own life. You know, was it easy? Actually, no, it was shit. But I've realized that I actually took my other kids for granted. I really did. I just trusted that they were going to be here forever. That's interesting, misplaced trust like that.

Speaker 3: 21:45

So, yeah, having having the focus, like when I ask myself what am I focused on right now and sometimes I like to have my focus really broad I'll spend hours sitting on top of this, the roof of the boat, simply watching everything that's going on, and there's other times where, oh, now I need to book a flight home. So I need to tune my focus into something that's important that I want to hone in on. You know might be a training course, whatever it is, whatever it is, and being aware of what it is that I'm focused on and being aware on what it is that I'm not focused on. So things like the news. I totally am unfocused on the news Every now and again. I trust that if there's something I need to know, someone will tell me. You know, my community are telling me that the roads out of Panama are closed. I don't need to hear the news to know that.

Speaker 3: 22:56

So it's like that, like just being present to what are we focused on in life and what are we focused on that we don't need to be focused on. That's the other thing. Like where can I let go of focusing on? You know, like my kids? Oh, my kids. All right, you know what? If they're not, they'll tell me, like that, so I can let go. The journey of letting go is what gives me an unimaginable life. The more I've let go of, the more freedom I have to be with life exactly the way it is and exactly the way it isn't.

Speaker 2: 23:41

So there's so many things. It's like I love this conversation because there's so many different things that I could say that I like you're, but like right there in that moment when you say you know, that allows me to be with life just as it is and just as it isn't. For the control freaks in the house myself being, you know, a reforming control freak why is that even something that anyone would want? Why would you want a life where you could just be with life as it is and as it isn't, you know, versus like a life that you're trying to like, bring certainty to and control and you know all of this stuff and create?

Speaker 3: 24:16

What you know. I tried all that. I tried all that. I did that. I was one of the big.

Speaker 3: 24:20

You asked my kids did I want to control them? Yes, of course I did, and I thought I could. You know, I thought if I told somebody to do something, that they'd do it, and what I didn't realize was the impact that that had on them. You know, when people tell me what to do I don't know what your relationship is, but you know mine's involved showing a middle finger, usually like don't tell me what to do, is one of my biggest triggers. So what gives me the right to tell somebody else what to do?

Speaker 3: 24:58

Aha, I hadn't realized that as an impact, and it's been letting go of all those things that I once believed to be true, simply for the exploration. And I have this, this interrupt in my mind, that I can stop whenever I want, whatever I want. If a conversation's going away, that I don't want it to go, I can simply say stop. And so that gives me permission to explore right to my limits and my edges, because I know that I can always come back, take a step back, I can always, when it gets too uncomfortable, I can say stop, stop, play and reassess. Okay, there's no cheese down that tunnel, let me try a different way.

Speaker 3: 25:54

So it's safety's really important to me as well. I like to be safe, you know, and it talks something to from the boat. I've never done flipping sailing before, I never have, and this thing's wobbly and it was noisy, and you know, I've found out a lot more now about what's important to me and there's still more to let go. You know, I don't know what's on the other side of safety, because I'm still really attached to the experience of being safe and who knows, maybe the next thing is maybe I'll let go of safety and live even more dangerously. Ha ha ha.

Speaker 2: 26:42

Maybe that's a new word for you know for 2024. I know you've been looking, so for anyone listening to this conversation, bill Tellan and I and I didn't know this about Helen until about a week ago, but you know I've shared often about my journey of discovery I go on every year. This year's journey into acceptance what I'm going to journey into in 2024 has not emerged yet. They typically you know the journey's kind of come out one from the other. All of this started with journeying into gratitude back in 2013 for me, so it's like the 10th year of me going on these journeys, but I just discovered that Helen and I are kindred spirits in this. So Helen also has not just sometimes words of the day, but a word of the year. So what is your word for this year, helen? What are you?

Speaker 3: 27:29

Well, it's really interesting because it's changed a little bit and it's more a symbol. So it's this, and I don't remember the word, it's more the action.

Speaker 2: 27:45

But the word is People will sing to this conversation. The word is what it's infinity.

Speaker 3: 27:52

And yet it's where I've come with it, because it's been a whole year. It's infinity as in the action of infinity rather than the word which is. It's like we're going off on a different shoot here, a different tangent, and already I'm exploring what next year's word is and it seems like there's. I've got the world of it, I got a sense of what's calling me and I haven't found a word yet that fits it. And this is the exploration, like oh, there's something else just outside there that I feel is really pulling me forwards, and I don't have the expression for it yet. So it feels like it's changing from a word to more like an experience. What do I want my experience of the next year to be?

Speaker 2: 28:50

Well, maybe it's more structural language, right, like, maybe it started with the word infinity, but then that became like structurally, like what's the structural language for infinity and how could you express and experience that in life? And that it's pretty neat. This whole way of like or like activity, whatever you want to call it. You know, creating a word for the year or a discovery for the year and like really delving into that has been. I don't know what your experience of it has been, but it's been one of like oh, you really like, not that you want to be careful what you choose, but like if you journey for a year into patients, like wanting to discover patients newly, what you're likely going to get is a lot of experiences that require you to develop your capacity for patients. And maybe you don't want to invite that in, right, maybe that's not what you're looking to develop yourself in this year. I remember, you know, on this journey into acceptance, it started for me being like okay, you know what you know, because with the word there's usually some kind of like, not a hypothesis like the scientists have, but kind of like okay, what I think I'm taking on this year is like expanding my capacity to be able to be with life just as it is and just as it's not, and accept anything, and that's kind of what I thought the year was going to be about. And then, as the year went on, it was like there has been some of that, like I have experienced an increased capacity. I've accepted things this year that I didn't think I would ever accept in any lifetime, but there's also been what are the things I'm not going to accept. So there's been a bit of a journey around expanding, you know, boundaries and getting clarity around the things that don't work for me and what I'm not willing to participate in or have. You know, I too don't watch the news. I call it putting a bubble around myself. I protect it from the outside and so, you know, try to be really careful about what I focus on, and then I keep it clean from the inside by, you know, tending to my own mental wellbeing and my mind and my thoughts and what I say.

Speaker 2: 30:58

But the other piece that was really interesting and it came through working with my amazing coach, chris Sade was there's this whole piece around acceptance of like, what's not even mine to accept, and you know like and he talks about like one of the analogies we use a lot in our sessions and it's really because of just our shared love of the ocean. It's like the majority for those of us that live in this world of manifestation and, you know, like creating and attracting and all of these conversations. It's like there's a bit of a conversation that we're the creator of everything in our lives. And I'm not saying that, that's not true.

Speaker 2: 31:35

But one of the interesting perspectives Chris gave me this year is like, if you think about all of the waves that crash on the ocean, you know, and if you think about those in terms of experiences or life or whatever, you know, like a wave is, like pain or pleasure. He said, amber, you didn't create most of the waves crashing on the ocean. You were born into oppressive systems. You were born into networks of conversations about what it is to be a woman or what it is to be a human, what beauty is, what men are like. You were born into this whole world that existed and had all of these structures and structural language and language before you even got here, and so part of like this journey this year has been that's not my wave.

Speaker 2: 32:18

Now I get to have a say in and I think where I create my life is I get to have a say in who I am about that wave, who do I wanna be in the wave of human trafficking or who do I wanna be in the wave of the environment and what's happening? You know, I get to say that I didn't create the climate the way the climate is when I was born in 1978, the climate was the way the climate was and it's, you know, whatever's evolved over my lifetime. So I get to choose. But I didn't create that wave and there's been a huge amount of freedom that's come in. You know, kind of like another way of saying that it's not my circus, not my monkeys, right?

Speaker 3: 32:56

Exactly exactly. And then that's back to where do I want to put my focus? Do I want to focus on human trafficking or do I just wanna kind of let it be out there and just keep half an eye on it? Just keep half an eye on it. I mean, here the focus is migration. We've got many, many migrants traveling from Venezuela all the way up because they wanna go to America. I had the privilege to meet a lot of them in person. They are incredible human beings. They have a vision, they have a focus. I'm going to America.

Speaker 3: 33:35

It's no longer working for me to be in my country. I'm going to America. They're incredible human beings and for a while I traveled with them. I met them, I spoke with them, and now I'm no longer part of that journey and I assert that everything like there was a reason that that was shown to me, that that was part of my journey, maybe simply to get a next level understanding of what migration is, because in a way, I'm a migrator.

Speaker 3: 34:08

You know, oh, it's getting too hot here, let me go somewhere cooler. Oh, the food situation isn't working so well for me here, let me go somewhere where there is food and it's seeing myself in another, and I think this is the part of the all of it. It's like what, if you know, one of the things I love about you, amber, is I see myself so much in you, you know, and I don't just mean the joyful stuff, like the struggles they're like oh, how am I going to do this? And you know the frustrations and the joyful stuff, oh, let me just go and see what it's going to be like to live in Bali. I've got no idea. Let me go and find out.

Speaker 3: 34:53

You know, like that, yes, and then when I can see myself in another, then for me that I had acceptance from my word of the year and that's where it led me Like, then I can accept that other. However they're being Like, oh, you're just being a grumpy bear right now, instead of being at the effect of and I used to be when grumpy bear men came near me, I used to be terrified, I really did, really scared of the power and anger of men. And now I'm just like, oh, you're just being a grumpy bear, go have a lie down or whatever. It is A whole. Next level of acceptance of another is when I can find myself in them, within them, within their behaviors.

Speaker 2: 35:45

Yeah, I was, you know, I was teaching last night and it was a class on communications and I was just talking about.

Speaker 2: 35:52

You know, for me that really is the greatest expression of love, like when we can accept others just as they are and just as they're not, and like grant them. You know, like the grant like in our space, people get to behave and they get to be loved. And the grant like in our space, people get to be. However, they are right that there's no specific way and people you know, and they're safe to express themselves. That is the greatest acceptance of love and it takes something like take something to be with other human beings that way, and I think it's an ongoing like. This is where you know, one of the greatest gifts I've gotten from the wisdom community that you are a part of is practice. Yeah, I used to beat up on myself so much and have so many expectations for what I could do and what I would do and other people. Like that bled out into all of my relationships. You know all of the people around me and you know, through the tools and practices of the wisdom community, I got like, oh, I could just like. You know, I could just try things on, I could just try that and I could practice at it and, oh, I might start and I might stop and then I could ask myself, do I want to continue trying that or practicing that? But it gave up that, like that, there was some way that I had to be in the living of my own life and that I could explore. And I'm so grateful. I think about the. You know, in this conversation I'm just present to such gratitude.

Speaker 2: 37:31

In my 20s I had, as a young mom with single mom, with my kids, I had the ability to be with this group of women. They were called we called ourselves the Agents Club, like because I was 20, one of them was 30, one of them was 40, one of them was in their 50s, right, and we would have coffee every week and they were all moms from the co-op I lived in and they would share their experiences with me and we would talk about what we were dealing with and just life. You know, and I can't remember the content of most of those conversations. I don't even think I can remember the content of one of those conversations other than at one point one of them said you know, amber, you're gonna go further than all of us because you know you're gaining from our wisdom and learning from us. And I think about you, helen, and you know just the gift that I get to be in a community with you and learn from you and watch you in the living of your life. And it's not about necessarily replicating, you know, I don't know if I'd wanna hop on a boat with a guy in Panama or in, you know, columbia and travel to Australia maybe, but like that you're out there in the world being a demonstration of you know what I say.

Speaker 2: 38:34

My purpose is right that every human being gets to live a created life of their own design, based on what they want. And as simple as it is to say that there's a lot to unpack and there's a lot to shed to even get that clarity of what it is. What do I want? And I think I love what you said earlier about a great starting point for most people can be what don't I want, because for many of us that's easier to. You know, we've our desire muscle, our fantasy muscle are that you know, whether we had very powerfully when we were small children is just so eroded over time or broken down. So you know, being able to start from I don't. This is I don't want this right Like I don't want to work a nine to five job in an office. Okay, well, how much, you know where do you want to be working and what kind of lifestyle do you want to have. And you know that leads to other inquiries that help get us closer to what we really do want.

Speaker 3: 39:28

And sometimes we do have to channel our two year old. I don't want it and I have a tantrum. We really do to get the message across, really do. And something I just want to link back to from what you said about, about the acceptance of people like you know, your journey has led you to accept people exactly the way. Exactly the way they're not is as a as a stretch. I'm just putting it out. There is life's the same. How do I accept life? People are a part of life. Now let me just expand into that space. How do I accept life exactly the way it is and exactly the way it isn't?

Speaker 3: 40:12

You know like, here it rains, and when it rains it's torrential. I'm from England. When it's raining I have to go inside and shut it out. Here I'm like, oh, it's raining, how can I accept the rain? You know well. How about?

Speaker 3: 40:29

Take all your clothes off, stand in the middle of the deck and have a shower. It's that torrential. How about capture some of this rain so I've got fresh rain, drinking water? How about? Now will be a great time to do my laundry and all of that has gone from. Oh, no, it's raining. That's interrupted my plans. Oh, it's raining. We need rain, obviously, because that's what we've got. You know, one of my? That was one of the things I wanted to say. One of my two guiding lights in life are be ready. Like, am I ready For what? I have no idea, but I'm ready for whatever it is that's going to happen next. And then the other warrior training thing that I remind myself is I have everything I want. Oh, apparently I want rain right now because that's what I have. So it's that twisting round, looking at it from a different perspective, instead of no, that's not what I want, like I really don't want the noise of this boat going by right now, but guess what, that's what I've got. Like that.

Speaker 2: 41:50

I love that. You know we have everything we want to need and be ready. Be ready for what I don't know. Whatever is going to show up, and I think that's an alignment piece, right, you know that piece around acceptance Maybe that's next year's word alignment.

Speaker 3: 42:12

I love it. I love it. Maybe it is OK. I just need to write that down. Sorry, amber, it's like well, because we never know when it's going to land. It's perfect.

Speaker 2: 42:25

It's perfect that you would discover that in this conversation, helen.

Speaker 2: 42:29

Yes perfect Like that piece around acceptance. I just want to be super clear for anyone listening to this conversation, because you know the people in my life who see and know me every day, will you know the truth out Accepting people that way, loving people that way, is a commitment that I fail at every single day, but it's a commitment I keep returning to and the more I return to love as acceptance and you know creating and my commitment to creating that space around me, the more my life expands and grows and I get to keep discovering and exploring with other people, acceptance with them, right. So, helen, you are just one of the most delightful human beings that I know. I just am moved by you and just you know, for, like, we've never met in person and one day I imagine that we will, maybe it's on a beach in Bali, maybe it's in England, you know who knows where that will be, but I know that one.

Speaker 3: 43:28

Maybe it's Costa Rica at Christmas, hey.

Speaker 2: 43:30

Maybe it is, who knows, just find that out there. But one of the things that's so beautiful about human beings and you know, it's like, even though we're having this conversation over Zoom, remotely, and I'm in Canada and you're in Panama, like I just feel, like I'm in your presence and it's just, you know, a really miraculous, magical feeling. So just thank you for being that kind of person, thank you for you know, being a guiding light for others to like step into and say you know, you don't have to be stopped by any circumstance and you don't have to be at the effect of anything. You can. You can by using the tools that we talked about in this conversation. You can. You can just keep creating the life that you want and the circumstances and life is what life is.

Speaker 3: 44:17

Yeah, yeah, beautiful, thank you. And thank you, amber, for doing all that you're doing, especially all that stuff that I don't even know that you're doing. You're there on your path, clearly. Yeah, of course sometimes we fall off our path and, exactly as you said, you're like okay, let's get up and do it again. We failed yesterday, but let's come back and try it again and return to and you know the way that you've set up the podcast and everything around it and giving people like me, who don't want to be bothered with podcasts, you know the place to come and speak and sharing your life and your vision and your commitment, the way that you're doing is that's inspirational. So, thank you, and it's such a joy to know you and we will meet one day. We will.

Speaker 2: 45:10

Absolutely we will. For those of you listening to this conversation, I hope you found it as enjoyable and pleasurable as I did, and really you know, helen is a woman worth listening to and this was a conversation that mattered. So thank you so much and I look forward to seeing you next week. Take care.

Speaker 1: 45:29

Thank you so much for joining us for this week's episode. For more information on the show and our extraordinary guests, check out conversations that matter podcastcom.