Episode 105 - Transforming Obstacles into Triumphs with Michelle Steiner

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to Conversations that Matter with your host, amber Howard. Each week, amber dances, in conversation with inspirational leaders, out to make a difference for what matters most to people. She brings you incredible guests who share their real life experience of being a leader and what it looks like to live a truly created life of service to others. And now here's your host.

Speaker 2: 0:24

Welcome back everyone. Welcome back to the Conversations that Matter podcast. It is my pleasure and my honor this morning to have on the show Michelle Steiner. Michelle is a disability writer, advocate and paraeducator. She has created a blog called Michelle's Mission. Michelle feels that having a learning disability has shaped her life for the better. Having at times known the loneliness and hopelessness associated with having a learning disability, she seeks to empower, encourage and educate people with or without learning disabilities. Michelle's commitment for the world to help encourage others to be the best versions of themselves and to find their purpose in life. Michelle, thank you so much for being on the show today.

Speaker 3: 1:09

Amber for having me. It's a pleasure.

Speaker 2: 1:11

Yes, and happy holidays. Right, I think this is the last episode of the show.

Speaker 2: 1:15

We're going to be recording for 2023. So I really got like it's awesome that you're my last guest of the year and for everyone listening and as you get ready for the holidays or by the time this goes live, it'll be after Christmas, so happy holidays for everyone. Michelle, I typically start with you know, to give my guests an opportunity to kind of create what their journey has been like, so I would love to hear from you what has your journey been like to get to where you are in life today?

Speaker 3: 1:44

The journey that I've been to where I've been. It has been definitely something of an adventure for me. I can remember in just a lifestyle and it may sound like really ordinary, but my journey with having one has been a lot of acceptance and not necessarily being able to cure something, but just being able to accept and to move on. The journey began whenever I was very young. I was in kindergarten and my teacher noticed that I was really struggling in school, socially and academically. I struggled with things such as tying my shoes and just being able to count math was the big one at that age and my eye, hand coordination and visual perception. And I was my parents' first child.

Speaker 3: 2:34

So I had a preschool teacher thought, okay, something's going on, but they didn't really know a lot about that at that age. We didn't have early intervention services and I was my parents' first child so they didn't have a lot with to based on development. So they sent me to kindergarten and my teacher recommended that I get tested for having a learning disability and that was really difficult in the beginning. I can remember, I think, my parents. They didn't expect that I looked normal, everything seemed to be going fine, but my parents were the ones that really helped me throughout the school system. They went along with what they said. I had to repeat kindergarten the following year in a different school in our district and began to receive specialty services, and the beginning was what was really difficult for me.

Speaker 2: 3:33

You know, especially at that age, right? I mean, I think I have three kids that I birthed and supported through the school system as much, as kids are very open and full of possibilities and I think we become more closed off the older we get. But they really mimic their environment and whatever is normal in their environment. So if that's a bunch of single multi-parent households or people of a certain ethnicity, that becomes their normal and then anything that's not, that is kind of hard for children to understand. I think is, and so I can imagine being a young child and you just want to fit in and have friends to play with, and so being different is not really something that you embrace, right? It's like no, I don't want to be different.

Speaker 2: 4:29

And this theme's come up on a number of TV shows I've watched where people have extraordinary gifts or something. They're like I just want to be normal. It's like cry of the human being, I just want whatever normal is right. But you managed to get to a point in your journey, clearly through the support of your family and the school system, where you've now seen your learning disability not as a disadvantage but as something that's made your life better. So I would love to hear what that transition was Like. How did that transition come about for you?

Speaker 3: 5:04

Sure. Well, one of the things whenever I was very young I thought, well, how is my life ever going to get any better? And I had great parents that encouraged me. It's actually my dad said you know, things are going to work out for you eventually. And of course, when you're young you don't believe that. And I can remember it was when I finally I was able to get my bachelor's degree and I was an adult and everybody told me I couldn't get my degree. Well, a lot of people did not everybody and people told me that I couldn't go to college or I'd had limited job choices and I had life circumstances that got me to that place and I found the right program and I was able to do it, despite being told I couldn't. And I think when I got to that point I said, okay, I have this disability, it hasn't gone away, I and it won't go away, but I can do things despite having that. And I think that's when I started to realize it.

Speaker 3: 6:05

And today I work in a school with students that have disabilities and whenever I'm working with a student that has a disability, sometimes it's like hearing a recording of myself. This year I work with sixth graders, so I hear a lot of the same things I said whenever I was that age. I hate having my disability. I think it makes me stupid, and I get that really unique opportunity to go into them, into that situation and tell them you're not stupid, you have a brain that's wired differently and being different isn't a bad thing. And to them I can understand how they felt.

Speaker 3: 6:42

I went to a very small conservative school district. That's still very close to where I work at now and being different isn't always considered a good thing, but I get to be that voice now that goes in and helps other students that have those difficulties, and I get a chance to also do that through my writing, and that's another way too. That was one of the first things we found out I was really good at was learning how to write and creating stories, and that just encouraged me to write even more. And I had a friend who told me you really should write about having a learning disability and I said no, that's too personal. But when I finally got the courage to write that first article, that just opened up a whole new world for me and it made me want to write more and start my blog.

Speaker 2: 7:30

Yes, and for those of you listening, you should definitely check out Michelle's blog. The website will be in the show notes. She has a. You are a beautiful writer, michelle. I enjoyed reading some of your blogs in anticipation of our time together today. You know, I think that conversation about difference. So first, I really acknowledge you. It's challenging for people in a world where so often we're told we can't do things or even like we shouldn't do them. Right, and you know whether we can or not like you shouldn't do something because of whatever other people's reasons are. And I think it's so important that people learn that you can create whatever you want, as you know, as long as you're willing and responsible.

Speaker 2: 8:14

And take control of that your life. And how blessed are your students. You know they get to work with someone who has real lived experience of what it's like to grow up in the system and, you know, perhaps receive certain kinds of supports and not others, and deal with other students and even maybe their parents who don't fully.

Speaker 2: 8:34

You know your parents are really supportive and that's great, but not all parents are that supportive, for whatever reason, and you know, not as a judgment, but just as a reality, and so they get to have you in their corner, having their back, you know, and you're a demonstration that they can create what they want in their lives, which is so inspiring.

Speaker 3: 8:54

Thank you so much. Yeah, I love being able to do that for them. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 9:01

So we talk about difference. Like you know, I'm from Canada.

Speaker 2: 9:06

You live in the United States, I'm not quite sure exactly what the conversation, or a difference is like down there, but we were just talking before we hit record on the show.

Speaker 2: 9:15

Like so much of the conversation, I think it's shifting a little bit in recent times with so many new diversity, inclusion you know, equity and inclusion initiatives happening in so many more businesses putting a focus on this.

Speaker 2: 9:28

But for a long time the conversation around diversity and difference was like, well, we should tolerate difference, and for me that just never went far enough because it's kind of like saying I tolerate your right to be different, whether it's your sexuality or your learning, how your brain is wired, or you know whether you choose as a woman, whether you choose to have children or not, whatever that difference is like, you know it's okay, okay, you can be over there being different and I will allow you the space to be different versus saying no. I really wanna celebrate diversity and difference because the more that I have around me like, the more I grow and learn and the more full of a human being that I am. And I would just like what's been your experience in those conversations around people being different and how has that changed since you were a child learning that you had a learning disability to now being an educator in the system.

Speaker 3: 10:23

Well, I definitely when I was a child, that differences weren't something that people really celebrated at all or even wanted to know that. A lot of times it was oh, maybe you don't wanna let somebody know that you have a disability or that you're different or you might just anything that was different was really feared. And I can see now that a lot of people are coming with different ways that they might think or just a lot of different things that are coming up and they just don't wanna be tolerated. They wanna have this celebrated where they can feel like, okay, I can have this where I'm able to go and show that I'm different and that's not necessarily a bad thing to be different. And I think that's important, that we get a lot of our students with disabilities or just other people that have differences to be able to show that they are different, as long as it's not hurting anybody. That's the main thing is that it's okay to be different and to allow that and to have that freedom to be able to show that.

Speaker 2: 11:26

Yeah, it's like that embracing of it. And the more I travel like I've done a lot of traveling over the last couple of years first into the United States and then parts of Asia it's like, ah, just my life feels so much richer, the more the different cultures and people I meet and different experiences, and then understanding like things I've been granted or things that I think you know, think are just like the norm of what people would know or have experienced. And going to other places and going, oh, that was not, that was not their experience, they haven't had those experiences at all or they don't think in that way because their lives have been so different. It's been such a gift for me.

Speaker 3: 12:08

Oh, yes, definitely, Because you get to see how different people live their life and what people get that chance to do and, yeah, and it is a richer experience and you have that understanding and I think sometimes definitely even students that might come in with different cultures or might even come in with different disabilities that we haven't heard of, and that gives me the chance to be able to understand that a lot better and what their needs are.

Speaker 2: 12:33

Yeah, absolutely, and I love what you said earlier about like our brains work differently.

Speaker 2: 12:38

I think, like someone said on a post today, what do you think the most important tool that we can give children is? And one of the ones that I put down was framing, like being able to say OK, maybe this is what people are saying about this, or maybe this is what I initially think about my disability or whatever, but that's not the truth about it and I could perhaps frame it in a different way. So it's not. You might feel like there's something wrong with your brain, but to be able to say, no, there's nothing wrong with my brain, it's just that my brain works differently than other people. And how could I say that, even as a superpower, because I'm not an expert in learning disabilities, but I do know that from things that I've read, that sometimes different learning disabilities can enable people to think in ways that are expansive and bring additional gifts to the table that people whose brains are not wired that way can't see. Perhaps it's like super focused for someone with attention deficit disorder, right, right.

Speaker 3: 13:43

It's seeing the positive in the situation and getting people to view themselves in a positive light and definitely with how some people might not have with disability. I'm not able to drive because of my visual perception, but I am able to take pictures of flowers and bring out details that other people will miss. And oftentimes I'll be in the car with my husband and I'll see a flower or something else that's really neat and I'll say, did you see that? And he's like, well, I'm focused on the road. Now he is getting better at this because he watches these and he knows I tell the story a lot. But when I'm on my walk, if I don't have a ride to get somewhere or if I just want to go out for a walk, I get the chance to go back to that place, if it's local, and take a picture of that flower and be able to share it with other people. And if I was sitting in the car, that would be a shot that I would miss because I would be so focused on the road.

Speaker 2: 14:42

Well, it's so funny because often when we're drivers, we always want to drive too right. So I mean you can be like well, if you had the choice to drive or not, that would be great. But typically when you become a driver, you just drive the car you often don't choose to. How many times do people choose to be a passenger right, Unless they have to be? That's really interesting. I have looked at your photography and it's beautiful. Where did that love of photography come from, Michelle?

Speaker 3: 15:10

I think definitely that started. I can't remember well two places I can remember I was a prom and I took a picture of a tree in the venue we were at and I had a lot of. My peers are like, why did you take a picture of a tree? And I didn't know how to respond. And I was showing pictures to an older lady in my writing group and she looked at that picture of the tree and said this shows perspective. And I thought, oh, because I never considered myself artistic or anything with that because I couldn't draw a straight line and I always heard that narrative. Oh yeah, people that have learning disabilities are really great visual thinkers and I thought I don't know about that. And so hearing that was eye-opening, that somebody saw the potential before I could.

Speaker 3: 15:57

And then I can remember I was at a family wedding and my husband and I, on their way home we went and took pictures at a cemetery and they had angels in the cemetery that took a picture of and I remember showing them to a friend and she was very picky and she looked at it and said these are really amazing and I thought, well, if she likes it, then I must have done something right and I entered them in a show and I think I got honorable mention for this picture of the cemetery angel and from that point on I thought I started taking more pictures and entering them in shows.

Speaker 3: 16:33

And then I just started noticing flowers on my walks and I thought, oh, this looks really neat or this isn't really pretty, and I started taking pictures with it of that and I got a good reception from a lot of people and that just inspired me. The same way, when my dad saw my story whenever I was younger and said this is really good, that inspired me to write more. This is a lot of the encouragement I got with my pictures and inspired me to take more photos.

Speaker 2: 17:02

It's like that's so important, I think, as human beings, to have that, even if it's one person, but to have that group of people around us family, friends, loved ones who validate us and support us and encourage us to keep going and recognize when we're doing things well and I can imagine that that would be really important for the children that you work with in the system.

Speaker 3: 17:28

Yes, definitely, because I think all of them have some definitely have talents and strengths that they can do, and I think it's just sometimes really important to acknowledge that. I might see a student in class, they might draw a picture, and I'll say, wow, that's really good. And that just builds on that, where you might see them in a gym class or something. They're really athletic and you can say, wow, you did a really good job with that. And I think that also, that all those things just build on the self-esteem of the student.

Speaker 2: 18:06

I, you know, we talk about self-esteem. I think I've personally lived, you know, for much of my life. My self-esteem was not great and my self, you know, my view of self and my self-worth was not there. And for me, that journey of I always had lots of love for other people, but that love of self, you know, really, that journey of falling in love with myself, didn't start till 2016. And it's been ongoing, as I, you know, cause I think it's like, you know, discovering our own worthiness is not, like some people say, it's like a mountain with no top. You know, it's like it's not about somewhere to get to, it's about just continuing that journey of discovering who you are internally and being able to, you know, fully accept ourselves with all of our gifts and lacks. Right, because we all have gifts and we all have things that we lack.

Speaker 2: 18:54

One of mine is patience. I'm not a patient human being, michelle. I used to make that wrong and as time has gone on, I've kind of like, oh no, look, other people have patience. I can, like, I can borrow their patience every once in a while if I need it, but I don't have to, like, you know, try and give something that I lack and I think it's great that, as like as I said earlier, that your students have you to to to provide that. You know that external mentorship and and like.

Speaker 2: 19:26

Again, I think a big part of what you bring is inspiration, cause we need people, we need role models, we need people to show us that things can be done, especially when sometimes we might feel like we're at some kind of disadvantage because of things outside of our control. What, what do you think the biggest like from your experience working with these children, like, what are some of the biggest challenges that they face? And and how can we as adults around them whether we're their parents or aunts and uncles or just neighbors, people in their communities how can we best support or help children with learning disabilities?

Speaker 3: 20:07

I think some of the greatest challenges they definitely face is their confidence. That can be something. We have students to come in and they know that they're struggling within an area and a lot of them just fear getting through the class or just sometimes what can happen in the future for them. So I think that's definitely one of the things that I think it's building up the confidence. I think sometimes advocacy skills are really hard for them too.

Speaker 3: 20:34

I can remember I had a student one year that was needed help in a class and our team is really good about going in the regular ed. Teachers will come into some of our study halls or other classes if we have struggling students and work with them, especially if they have a plan period or some other free time during the day. And I had a girl that was really afraid and I said, well, why don't we go and ask for help? And she's like no, I'm too afraid to ask for help and I'll have my mom take care of it. And we're like well, you have a voice, you can use that. I said I'll go with you and I went and helped her ask for the help that she needed and after that point she wasn't afraid to ask for help and a lot of times it can also be even organizational skills. I had a student one year. I would go through her backpack on a weekly basis and we'd be putting the papers in the folders and labeling them, because sometimes the folders would just go missing and so would the papers, and we would just have to go round the papers up and try to get new folders. And I can remember towards the end of the year she was asking me how do you spell extra? Because she wanted to put, wanted to label a folder for her extra papers. And I thought I took a student that didn't yeah, didn't know how to do that and was able to show her how to, and I think that's a big thing.

Speaker 3: 22:01

We also have students that come in. Some of them the demographics are really difficult. We might have students that live in poverty or we have students that a family member might be incarcerated and somebody might be in rehab. So sometimes just coming in when they throw their backpack down and they have a sad expression on their face is to kind of go up and just say, hey, how's it going? Is there anything I can do to help? Or you look like you're really upset about something and sometimes they'll talk to you and say, yeah, my mom's in jail or my dad's a rehab, and other times they might not want to share that, but it's getting them the appropriate resources that they can't handle what is going on in their household, because unless we deal with that, we can't even get to learning.

Speaker 2: 22:48

I've been working in the healthcare system recently and you know, for one of my consulting clients and we've been, you know like how do you help people navigate to the kind of services that they need?

Speaker 2: 22:59

And I think part of that is advocacy, you know and it's like to create the best like well-being outcomes for human beings, and there's so many different systems that need to be working together because really optimal health for an adult starts in the early education right, and not just about, you know, teaching kids about nutrition and how to eat and exercise and all of those things, but their mental well-being, them, teaching them how their minds work and how they, you know, their view of self in the world and how that's impacted by the experiences that they have and trauma.

Speaker 2: 23:35

One of my commitments is to really what I call humanized this conversation around trauma, because it yes, it is when people have like really extraordinary or horrific experiences that I think lots of children experience trauma just because of not feeling like they're connected or they belong or some of the things that you were talking about experiences that they might have in the home, where you know they don't have the kind of supports or things that they need. And the more we can like create safe spaces for people to have these conversations, the better. The better they're going to be able to cope and adapt over time.

Speaker 3: 24:11

Exactly, yeah, definitely being able to go in and address those needs, and that makes all the difference.

Speaker 2: 24:20

So if you think about your experience you know teaching these children, are there any kind of memories or thoughts, that experiences you know without giving way children's names or anything like that, but you know there are any stories or times that stand out in your memory, Michelle.

Speaker 3: 24:39

I can't remember one of the sweetest ones had to be I cannot help students with math and I'm very outspoken about that. The school I told them I cannot help them with that. And I can remember I was in a first grade class and they were doing math of all things and you would think, okay, first grade math, really easy. And I made them. As I was working with a little girl and I made a mistake, and I can remember she looked to me like how can you, you know, make a mistake? And I said, oh, this, this is not very good at math. And she looks at me and goes there's grown up school for that. And I just had to laugh at that. That was a funny one.

Speaker 3: 25:22

And then I had a really touching moment. I remember I was in a seventh grade class and I had a student that asked me for help with math and I couldn't. I couldn't help with math. And somebody asked me well, why can't you help out with the math? And I said, oh God, just didn't give me that, that gift. And another girl in the class struggled with math too and she looked at me and said me too. That just that just touched me.

Speaker 2: 25:49

I've never loved math either, michelle, and I don't have a learning disability, I just like to me, my brain is like too logical. When they went, I was good until algebra and then when they put a piece of paper in front of me that had letters and numbers and said you've got to, like, solve for A, and I was like A is a letter, that is not my number, I don't, I don't get it, you know, and I and I got through it and I did my best. But you know, in my later years, in when I was doing my undergraduate degree, I really got like our brains aren't just wired differently, you know, it takes me probably twice as long and twice as much effort to get concepts in science and math as it does geography in English, history, philosophy. Like I am, my brain is wired for philosophy and like debate and discussion and inquiry. And you know I should be at the Agora with Socrates debating justice and what is justice. My brain, my brain, loves that stuff.

Speaker 2: 26:46

But when it comes to biology which you know is enjoyable but it, you know I had to study twice as hard for those tests and I didn't do it nearly as well, and so I think there is no such this is what I'm really present to in this conversation is there is no normal, there is no like one way. All of our brains are whether you have a you know, whether you have a diagnosable or diagnosed learning disability, and even calling it that is like maybe we could change that language, because language matters. Now that I say it out loud, I'm like what is that? Even Like, okay, let's, let's perhaps change the way we talk about it. Right, even if you have a so-called you know, a learning disability or not, like we're all different and our brains no, two brains are the exact same and have the exact same capabilities. So what is all of that about, really? Anyway, we're just people having an experiencing life and trying to do the best that we can, you know.

Speaker 3: 27:49

Oh, exactly, cause everybody thinks differently and it would be really boring and nothing would get done if everybody thought the same way.

Speaker 3: 27:56

So I think that's true.

Speaker 3: 27:58

We all need to be able to help each other and I think I can see that especially at my job.

Speaker 3: 28:06

I have, you know, I have co-workers who are great with math and ones who can't do English, and recently we were working with students and one had a math question and I couldn't help her with a student with the math, and then she was trying to help a student that with their English and I said do you want to switch? And she said that's fine, because I heard her say I can't do this figurative language and I could sit with that student, didn't need an answer key and could help them with the figurative language and she could sit there and help the other student with the math. And I just think that that was just a really beautiful thing. We were each doing what our brains were able to do, how they were wired strengths and you know the weaknesses and we were able to just be able to really help and show the student what they needed. And she told me afterwards if you ever want to switch, just let me know and I said okay, that works.

Speaker 2: 28:59

How great is that? Ah, I think it just reinforces this idea. It takes a community right. It takes so many different kinds of people to raise children and create a workable communities and it's beautiful, yeah.

Speaker 2: 29:17

So, given we're coming to the end of a year and I'm not a big proponent I'll just say this again I'm not a big proponent of any years resolutions. As a coach and human being, you know it's been my experience that they don't stick. We make all kinds of grand promises that don't really last past the end of January and you know, I think we can stop and start and build new habits at any time of the year, but we said all of that. There is kind of moving from one year to another is a bit of a threshold, I think, and there is something about passing over a threshold that gives us an opportunity to, you know, reflect and think about what am I looking to create in the coming year? So I would love to hear for you what is, how is 2023? What are you know? What's something you're gonna let go of in 2023 and you're not bringing that bag through the doorway to the next year, and then what? Yeah, so what's something you're leaving behind in 2023?

Speaker 3: 30:17

I think what I'm gonna leave a lot behind in 2023 is that idea of maybe what other people think about me. I think, because sometimes there's just that level of performance and, you know, basing a lot of the worth on that and just kind of let it go with that and just some of the things in life that might have happened, and just kind of let it go with all that. And going forward in 2024, I definitely want to be able to just keep on helping people and working with my writing and definitely working with it within the school, to just be able to connect and assist more people that have disabilities, to educate, to empower and to encourage them.

Speaker 2: 31:01

It's beautiful.

Speaker 2: 31:02

We're doing a workshop next week One of my partners and I around just completing 2023, powerfully.

Speaker 2: 31:12

So you know, I think this is a really great exercise that I don't always remember to do, right, but it's like you go through your year month by month and look at, you know, look at your social media posts, look at your calendar, look at your photographs and what are you proud of? What accomplishments did you make this year? And then, equally, going through the year month by month, what disappointments might you have, what resentments or regrets, you know, just like clearing out all of that energy so that you don't bring it forward. And then you know, as one of my mentors used to say, harvesting the good right. So when you look at all of that, you know what good came of it and what lessons did you learn that you do want to carry forward with you, cause maybe you don't want to bring the disappointment in the resentment forward. But whatever you learned from that experience, like you have that, keep informing your life right.

Speaker 2: 32:03

So we're gonna be doing that workshop next weekend. I'm very excited for that opportunity to be with people as they go through that. What is the thing that you're looking for to most about the holidays, michelle?

Speaker 3: 32:17

I think the thing I'm looking forward about the holidays is being able to see friends that I don't get to see a lot and definitely, you know, spend time with family.

Speaker 2: 32:27

Do you have any? I recently was down in the United States for American things. I've never experienced American things giving before and I heard about like sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top and I was like what is that? I didn't actually eat it at the place of one for dinner. But what are your favorite food traditions Like? Do you have a favorite part of Christmas or Christmas dinner that you look forward to?

Speaker 3: 32:53

I always bring a strawberry chicken salad and everybody seems to really like that with the strawberries and the chicken. That's what I bring for a lot of our holiday dinners and people seem to like that and if I know that I might have friends who don't eat meat, then I just put the chicken on the side and we have a lot of vegetables and things and everybody can kind of enjoy that.

Speaker 2: 33:15

Salty and sweet do tend to go together really well. Yeah, I do eat meat and I think one of the things that I'm looking forward to this year and I like that I'm in Canada because I was in Bali last year is my brother's lamb and having said that I'm gonna go figure out how to make sure my brother makes lamb this year. We're from New Zealand originally. For people who don't, oh, okay.

Speaker 2: 33:42

So that's like always a big reminder of home and being able to share it together. Well, michelle, thank you so much. I just really wanna acknowledge you. I wanna acknowledge you for the perseverance that you've showed in your own life, coming up against whatever barriers that you may have faced, and turning those. And when people said you couldn't, you were like I'm gonna give it a shot and I'm gonna do my best and proving that we can. And for the inspiration and support and guidance you provide your students. They just thank you for taking what you've learned in your life through your experiences of growing up with a learning disability. I'm really, through your blog, through your photography, through your teaching and your supportive students, paying that forward and creating opportunities for other people to have a different experience of their learning disability. And it's just been such a pleasure to have you on the show and get to know you better. And, yeah, thank you.

Speaker 1: 34:39

Thank you so much for joining us for this week's episode. For more information on the show and our extraordinary guests, check out ConversationsThatMatterPodcastcom.

Speaker 2: 34:51

I hope you have a wonderful rest of the holidays and I will see you in 2024. So much love.